I think I won the penis lottery.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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