we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
