eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
