so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
