My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I checked into jail on foursquare
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
