i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
