i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Randomize
