my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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