i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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