My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize