i'm signing you up for texting rehab
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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