john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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