1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize