My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
