would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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