Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
