Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Randomize
