Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
