We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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