Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
