had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
