it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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