1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
how do flat chested girls get laid?
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
