Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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