My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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