The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
vagina is talking i cant
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
