you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
