someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
