I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
