my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
