Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
