Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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