Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
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