It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
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