fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
