I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
i've created a new STD.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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