Whod you bang
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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