Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
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