some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
