I'm gonna have a badass scar
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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