I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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