I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Randomize
