ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
