my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
