Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
