i think my mom watched the whole time
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
We just shotgunned beers for America
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
