Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
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My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
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I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
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