I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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