Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
