I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
