Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
