I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
you would pick up someone in the library
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
