no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
