No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
