Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
