I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Who died my cat blue again?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
