"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Randomize
