There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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