Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
