Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Randomize
