So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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