You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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