after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
