You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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