I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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