it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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