You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
