just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
