I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
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