I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
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Except there is my pee all over the walls now
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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