Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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