i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Randomize
