how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
