The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
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Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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