I need help removing her.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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