I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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