I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
