At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
