Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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