hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
