Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
