we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
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I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
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My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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