when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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