im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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