Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
