I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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